I’ve been waiting to sound-off about this so I could compose my thoughts and write about it in a very poised way, but I haven’t reached that point yet so whatever. A few weeks ago, I was informed that someone who is supposed to be close to me decided they needed to say something negative about the way I’m living. I found it extremely funny that this person felt the need to comment on my life when theirs is full of drama, chaos, and turmoil. Compared to theirs, my life would seem angelic and boring. I am extremely tired of people pretending to have a lot of love for a person, but instead having so much hate and jealousy in their hearts. Just because you decided to wake-up one morning and decide that everything you did the hour, day, and years before has become null and void doesn’t mean that it didn’t exist. I’m realizing that the untrue negative things people have to say about the way I’m living are a direct reflection of the unfortunate decisions they chose to make in their own lives. Trust and believe, glass houses and stones don’t mix well and your home is one pebble away from crashing down. Why even say anything about how I’m living when you know I’m aware of the lifetime of awful decisions you’ve made? So, speak for yourself and leave me out of your negative energy. I’m trying to live my best life and your jealousy (although it gives me a good topic to write about) causes less of a delay to that than you were anticipating.
It doesn’t help my getting over you when you waltz into my dreams so cavalier, making me live-out fantasies that I know will never come true. I am partially grateful for the few minutes that I was able to experience with you again, but the other part of me wishes you’d take it back. I’ve told you before that I’m extremely connected to my dreams and at times confuse whether they were conjured up by my subconscious or if they really happened. Now, I’m awake longing for you and giving myself a headache telling myself to stop. My dream was so realistic that I still recall the way you motioned for me to come sit on your lap and the way I smiled sweetly and skipped over to you. The way you lovingly stared into my eyes before speaking to me as if in a trance made my heart skip several beats. I can still feel the way you held me like you wanted to protect me from the world; like you thought I would leave you. Everything about that dream still lingers with my being so much that it makes me wonder if you felt it too. Did you have the same dream? Do you remember the way you looked into my eyes? Did you feel how soft my skin was when you touched me? Can you recall the way I looked when you asked me to come over to you? Do you miss me the way I miss you? Or am I just a silly girl still dreaming by herself?