I’ve always been an out of sight, out of mind type of person but with you I become more of an out of sight and I long for you with every fiber of my being type of woman. Just the thought of you entices me and I miss every single thing about you…almost every single thing. My soul aches at the thought of you touching another and, yet, I realize that we were once living in a fantasy. When you were mine we lived in a dream world – I was your escape and you were my hero. I allowed you to be your true self and you helped me to realize my greatness. Remembering the pure joy I received from your presence makes me weak and coupled with the consciousness of your absence I am left with an insatiable yearning. My heart continues to cry out for you, but I will not allow myself to be the one to give in and reach out. This suffering is a process that I know I must endure for if I fold we are sure to end-up in the same vicious cycle of me only being your refuge, nothing more. I must continue to embrace the pain of your leaving because only then will I become stronger; only then will I learn that I’m deserving of far greater than what you were giving me. One day I will realize that I can be that out of sight, out of mind woman again, but not today; I’m just not ready to allow you to leave my heart yet.
It doesn’t help my getting over you when you waltz into my dreams so cavalier, making me live-out fantasies that I know will never come true. I am partially grateful for the few minutes that I was able to experience with you again, but the other part of me wishes you’d take it back. I’ve told you before that I’m extremely connected to my dreams and at times confuse whether they were conjured up by my subconscious or if they really happened. Now, I’m awake longing for you and giving myself a headache telling myself to stop. My dream was so realistic that I still recall the way you motioned for me to come sit on your lap and the way I smiled sweetly and skipped over to you. The way you lovingly stared into my eyes before speaking to me as if in a trance made my heart skip several beats. I can still feel the way you held me like you wanted to protect me from the world; like you thought I would leave you. Everything about that dream still lingers with my being so much that it makes me wonder if you felt it too. Did you have the same dream? Do you remember the way you looked into my eyes? Did you feel how soft my skin was when you touched me? Can you recall the way I looked when you asked me to come over to you? Do you miss me the way I miss you? Or am I just a silly girl still dreaming by herself?